Oi vey.

How can something so little be such a burden, such a struggle, such a creator of frustration? It boggles my mind.

This summer marks a two year "anniversary", if you would call it such a thing, of a physical, mental, and spiritual battle between me and a ridiculous piece of daily life.

There are days, weeks, and even months when I feel like I have a handle on everything. I begin to feel hopeful, confident. I begin to think that perhaps the battle has been won and I can live my life to the fullest as God's daughter and servant...and then it comes back with a vengeance and I am left empty, devastated, wondering how I can let something so simple conquer me. You ask me if I am "okay" or you ask how I am doing. I respond "fine" (freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional). But am I really fine? Probably not, but I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve and I am not one to admit to weakness, especially a weakness like this.

I know that God is bigger than my biggest issues. He is bigger than my biggest fears, my biggest failures, my biggest worries.

I trust that He will deliver me, restore me, renew my spirit, and make me whole again...forever. And yet, during times like these, times like this past week, I feel alone. I must remember that He will never place a temptation in my life that is too big. He will always provide a way out under it. It is this that I cling to, now more than ever.
I journal, pray, fall to my knees. I fail time and time again and find myself wondering why this journey has amounted to two years of my life...but I know that I will only leave stronger and closer to my Lord. My hope is in Christ.

The Shack

"Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering, you will find grace in many facets and colors."

-The Shack (William P. Young)

Summer fruit.

Mid-July means fruit for breakfast, fruit for lunch, fruit for snack, fruit for dessert...we swim in fresh fruit. I cannot complain. I love fruit and it is such a blessing to have trees laden with apricots, peaches, plums, pluots, etc. but it becomes quite the chore figuring out what to do with all the fruit!

Once we have vacuum sealed and frozen bags for future pies, cobblers, and muffins, and once our tummies are full and we cannot bear to eat one more during the day, we begin to get creative. This is the fun part! Yesterday, as we stared at boxes of peaches and a tree full of Anna apples, I "invented" the newest pie: Papple-Berry Pie. It is simple, really, with 3 cups apple, 2 cups peaches, 1 cup ollalieberries, 2 Tbsp. tapioca, and 3/4 cup sugar. Pour the filling into a homemade double crust, sprinkle with cinnamon sugar, bake, and you've got yourself a sweet, tangy dessert! Amazing.

We made the pie this afternoon...and this is all that is left.

Kahlua Cake

Every year during college, I would allow my roommates to choose a dessert that I would make for their birthday. I lived with creatures of habit: Stacie would always choose Kahlua Cake and Kendall would choose Buttermilk Brownies. I can’t say that I am surprised by Stacie's loyalty because this dessert is outstanding and one of my favorites! Layers of Devil’s Food, pudding, whipped cream, and Heath bars, drizzled with some trusty Kahlua = mmm mmm good.
It may look like a big bowl, but it sure doesn’t last long…

Kahlua Cake
1 package Devils Food cake mix

¼ to ½ cup Kahlua, depending on preference

2 packages instant chocolate pudding

3 cups milk

2 8 oz. cartons Cool Whip

4 Heath bars, crushed

Bake cake in 9x13 inch pan according to package directions. Allow cake to cool, then cut cake into 1-inch cubes.

Prepare chocolate pudding with the 3 cups of milk.

Place half of the cake cubes in the bottom of a large bowl or trifle dish and drizzle cake with half of the Kahlua. Layer half of the pudding on top of the cake cubes, then layer 1 carton of Cool Whip on top of pudding. Sprinkle two crushed Heath bars on top of Cool Whip. Repeat with remaining layers: cake, Kahlua, pudding, Cool Whip. Sprinkle with remaining two crushed Heath bars.

Chill torte and serve!

This recipe is a full recipe…but it serves A LOT. Unless you are feeding 12+ people, make 1/2 recipe…just cut everything in half! For the cake, I make the entire cake, cut it in half, use half, and wrap up the other half tightly to freeze for another time.

$1,000,000 Cookies

The following recipe boggles my mind; a woman won $1,000,000 for a simple peanut butter cookie. That is a load of dough, literally and figuratively. Why didn’t I think of this cookie first?
They are fabulous, but take a little time and the process can be quite messy...no worries, it is all worth it in the end when the oven timer goes off and warm cookies emerge.

Double-Delight Peanut Butter Cookies

1/4 cup dry roasted peanuts, finely chopped

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 cup Jif Creamy Peanut Butter

1/2 cup confectioners’ powdered sugar

1 roll Pillsbury Create ‘n Bake refrigerated peanut butter cookies, well chilled.

Preheat oven to 375°F.

In small bowl, mix chopped peanuts, granulated sugar, and cinnamon; set aside.
In another small bowl, stir peanut butter and powdered sugar until completely blended. Shape mixture into 24 balls.

Cut roll of cookie dough into 12 slices. Cut each slice in half crosswise to make 24 pieces; flatten slightly. Shape 1 cookie dough piece around 1 peanut butter ball, covering completely. Repeat with remaining dough and balls.
Roll each covered ball in peanut mixture; gently pat mixture completely onto balls. On ungreased large cookie sheets, place balls 2 inches apart and flatten slightly with a spatula.
Bake 7 to 12 minutes or until edges are golden brown. Store tightly covered.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake Bites

For all who have tasted these little bites of deliciousness…words cannot quite describe them, but they are a combo of two of the best things in the world of baking.

Crust
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
5 Tablespoons butter, melted
2/3 cup miniature chocolate chips

Cookie Dough
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
3 Tablespoons granulated sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Cheesecake Filling
8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 325°.

Butter a 9″-square baking pan. Line pan with foil; butter the foil.
To prepare the crust, combine graham cracker crumbs and butter until crumbs are moistened. Stir in the mini-chocolate chips (You can use chopped up regular chocolate chips if you don’t want to buy minis!). Press crust mixture into bottom of pan and 1 inch up sides. Bake for 6 minutes. Set pan on wire rack to cool.

Next, prepare the cookie dough. Using an electric mixer, mix butter, brown sugar, sugar, salt, and vanilla extract at medium speed until smooth. Decrease mixer speed to low and add flour. Mix just until incorporated. Stir in chocolate chips. Set aside.
To prepare the filling, beat cream cheese and sugar just until smooth. Add egg and vanilla extract and mix just until blended.
Pour cheeescake filling into baked crust. Drop cookie dough by teaspoonfuls over the top of the filling.
Bake about 30 minutes, or until set. Transfer to wire rack. Drizzle with chocolate when slightly cooled.

Guilt-less Cookies

Sometimes, the mood to bake springs on me with little to no warning. Luckily, I always try to have the baking essentials handy for spontaneous moments like today.
A cookie is a wonderful thing; small, sweet, easily changeable (in terms of ingredients), and delicious raw (cookie dough) or baked, hot or cold. Unfortunately, I probably eat WAY too many sweets so today I opted for the “healthy” baking experience. May I present a low fat cookie that is slightly guilt-free?

“Healthy” desserts often get a bad rap due to bad taste, lack of taste, odd texture, etc. This cookie, however, is a shining star in the world of healthified cookies…and I am not just saying that because I baked it in my kitchen.

Low Fat Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
1 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
2 tbsp butter, room temperature
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 large egg
1/4 cup plain, unsweetened apple sauce
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups quick cooking oats
1 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350F.
In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon.
In a large bowl, cream together the butter and the sugars. Beat in the egg, followed by the applesauce and the vanilla extract. Stir in the flour mixture and the oats until just combined; stir in the chocolate chips.

Drop spoonfuls of dough onto a baking sheet, flattening each cookie slightly.
Bake for about 10-12 min. Cookies will be light brown at the edges when done.
Let cool on sheet for 3 or 4 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
Recipe courtesy of Baking Bites.