Oi vey.

How can something so little be such a burden, such a struggle, such a creator of frustration? It boggles my mind.

This summer marks a two year "anniversary", if you would call it such a thing, of a physical, mental, and spiritual battle between me and a ridiculous piece of daily life.

There are days, weeks, and even months when I feel like I have a handle on everything. I begin to feel hopeful, confident. I begin to think that perhaps the battle has been won and I can live my life to the fullest as God's daughter and servant...and then it comes back with a vengeance and I am left empty, devastated, wondering how I can let something so simple conquer me. You ask me if I am "okay" or you ask how I am doing. I respond "fine" (freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional). But am I really fine? Probably not, but I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve and I am not one to admit to weakness, especially a weakness like this.

I know that God is bigger than my biggest issues. He is bigger than my biggest fears, my biggest failures, my biggest worries.

I trust that He will deliver me, restore me, renew my spirit, and make me whole again...forever. And yet, during times like these, times like this past week, I feel alone. I must remember that He will never place a temptation in my life that is too big. He will always provide a way out under it. It is this that I cling to, now more than ever.
I journal, pray, fall to my knees. I fail time and time again and find myself wondering why this journey has amounted to two years of my life...but I know that I will only leave stronger and closer to my Lord. My hope is in Christ.