Summer

I just returned from Lake San Antonio and I sit here with an aching back and neck, sore muscles, slightly sunburned skin, and a smile on my face. I love the lake.
As we drove through the campsites and headed for the dock, we rolled down the windows and took deep breaths. There is nothing like the smell of the lake: water, sunscreen, dirt, trees, and maybe just a hint of bathroom.
Growing up, I took it for granted that we could choose a day, escape the coast, join friends, and head inland for a change in scenery. It is one of the simplest, and sweetest, vacations!
Wakeboarding until your knees shake and you just can't pull your legs up to get anymore air, tubing until your elbows and knees are raw and you just can't hold on anymore, lounging in the boat until your skin is pink and tight and you know that "lobster red" is only minutes away.
And just like there is nothing like the smell of the lake, there is also nothing like the smell of the ocean. As we pulled off the freeway and drove the few blocks home, we once again rolled down the windows and inhaled...salty, damp, fresh. We are blessed to call Santa Barbara home.

Chocolate and Peanut Butter...

I love to bake and…I cannot say no; these are my two biggest weaknesses, but my inability to say no sometimes has negative repercussions. At least baking is somewhat safe.
My roommates used to claim sickness (probably feigned sickness) and would give me the puppy eyes as they asked for something chocolate-y. Of course, I would give in…and this is the result: Chocolate Peanut Squares.
They are a little rich, but who can resist chocolate and peanut butter combined! Plus, they are super easy to make and require no baking in the oven which brings down the wait time and increases the smiles on faces. Mission accomplished!

In a large bowl, combine 2 cups powdered sugar, 3/4 cup peanut butter, 2/3 cup crushed graham crackers, and 1/2 cup melted butter (1 stick). Spread into a 9-inch square pan that has been lined with foil and lightly buttered (easy clean-up).
In a microwave-safe bowl, combine 2/3 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, 4 tsp. creamy peanut butter, 1/2 tsp. butter. Heat until melted. Spread over peanut butter layer…you can even create a design or write a word after you spread the chocolate! Refrigerate for about 30 minutes until cool. Using the foil, lift out of pan and cut into squares. Store leftovers (if there are any!) in the refrigerator.

Crushcakes

Today, I lost my "Crushcakes" virginity...wow, that sounds so awkward. My mom had a coupon (not a surprise to those who know my family!) for buy 3, get 1 free, so we finally gave in, drove the distance, picked flavors we thought would be tasty, and dove in. Of course, diving in means splitting each cupcake into fourths so that every family member gets a share so, needless to say, you make each bite last as long as possible!
We tried the Buttermilk Crumb Cake -- tastes like a cinnamon roll in a cupcake --, the Coconut Cloud, the Lemon Drop, and the Mud Pie (the special for the day). Moist, unique, flavorful, plenty of frosting, fantastic. If I had to choose a favorite, I would have to say that the best of those four was the Lemon Drop, but it was definitely a close race between that and the Mud Pie.
Expensive? Yes. Worth the $3 per cupcake? Yes.

My two feet...

Did you know that walking is a reflex?
I love walking. One foot in front of the other, talking to myself, talking to God, or talking to another person walking with me...it has become one of my favorite things to do.
I was definitely not a walker before my European adventures, that is for sure. I walked, yes, but not voluntarily! Now? I will gladly go for a walk. I look forward to them...just give me a minute to put on my socks and shoes!
Here is a little piece of my mind written on paper; an ode to walking, if you will:

Walking is the new pace.
It’s slowing down, being still, stopping and staring.
Walking allows me to observe;
making me notice the little things, the small beauties.
Walking clears my head;
making me slow my thoughts to my feets’ rhythm.
Walking is catching up with a friend;
making simple conversation last for miles.
Walking is cleansing.
It refreshes the physical, mental, and spiritual self.
Sidewalks, beach walks, walks in surprise rain.
Walking is the new pace.

#1 Chocolate Cookie

These cookies are amazing; dangerous if you have little to no control in the sweet department.

I was looking for a cookie to make for Bible Study and I found these at a baking blog (thehungryhousewife.com).

They caught my eye because the ingredients are simple (aka: didn’t need to buy much) and the idea of a hidden surprise inside is just delightful.




Chocolate Rolo Cookies
1 cup butter, softened (2 sticks)
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs
2 1/2 cups flour
1 bag Rolos candies

Cream butter and sugars; add eggs and blend. Add cocoa, baking soda, vanilla, and flour; mix well. For each cookie, roll dough around a Rolo to make small balls where the Rolo is hidden inside the dough ball. The balls will be about 1 to 1 1/2 inches around. Roll dough balls in sugar.
Bake at 350 degrees for 7-9 minutes.
The surface on each cookie will begin to crack a little. Once removed from oven, flatten the cookies by patting gently with a spatula. Great warm or cooled!

Oi vey.

How can something so little be such a burden, such a struggle, such a creator of frustration? It boggles my mind.

This summer marks a two year "anniversary", if you would call it such a thing, of a physical, mental, and spiritual battle between me and a ridiculous piece of daily life.

There are days, weeks, and even months when I feel like I have a handle on everything. I begin to feel hopeful, confident. I begin to think that perhaps the battle has been won and I can live my life to the fullest as God's daughter and servant...and then it comes back with a vengeance and I am left empty, devastated, wondering how I can let something so simple conquer me. You ask me if I am "okay" or you ask how I am doing. I respond "fine" (freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional). But am I really fine? Probably not, but I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve and I am not one to admit to weakness, especially a weakness like this.

I know that God is bigger than my biggest issues. He is bigger than my biggest fears, my biggest failures, my biggest worries.

I trust that He will deliver me, restore me, renew my spirit, and make me whole again...forever. And yet, during times like these, times like this past week, I feel alone. I must remember that He will never place a temptation in my life that is too big. He will always provide a way out under it. It is this that I cling to, now more than ever.
I journal, pray, fall to my knees. I fail time and time again and find myself wondering why this journey has amounted to two years of my life...but I know that I will only leave stronger and closer to my Lord. My hope is in Christ.

The Shack

"Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering, you will find grace in many facets and colors."

-The Shack (William P. Young)